When you dream of having children, you imagine sleepy Sunday mornings full of cuddles, with everyone snuggled up in bed, talking and giggling as you all decide what kind of pancakes you are going to make from scratch for breakfast, and what kind of great adventures you will have that day. In your head it looks something like this:
And sometimes, it really is that great. I mean it. Sometimes the sun is shining and the birds are singing and everyone wakes up happy. Sometimes the girls climb up in our bed and we all snuggle and talk before going downstairs, where I make gluten free blueberry pancakes for everyone. And it is wonderful.
Today was not one of those days.
Today started with Laurel crawling into our bed at around 5:30am. Ellie was already in between us, as she usually is, because she woke up in the middle of the night and I was too tired to put her back in her own bed. (This is called co-sleeping through laziness, by the way.) Luckily, Laurel wanted to lay in front of Chev, on the edge of the bed, so Chev wrapped her up in her arms and we all went back to sleep for a bid. A very little bit. At around 5:45am Laurel decided she wanted to sleep in the middle of the bed. The problem, of course, is that Ellie was already there, and unlike so many of my friends’ twins, our girls do not co-exist in a sleeping state. This is what followed:
Laurel wiggles down between Chev and Ellie, trying to push Ellie out of the way. Ellie wakes up and whimpers, then sticks her feet against her sister and her back against me and SHOVES.
Laurel: No Ellie! No kick-a me!
Ellie kicks her.
Laurel kicks her back.
Laurel: Sissy, NO! I no likes it!
Ellie grabs one of Laurel’s “buddies” (Did I mention that Laurel sleeps with an entourage of four stuffed animals?) and tosses it of f of the bed.
Laurel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Dat’s my Merida!
Laurel smacks Ellie and climbs over Chev (who has actually been asleep up to this point), to retrieve her Merida.
Ellie stretches out with a contented sigh.
Laurel climbs back on the bed and body slams her sister.
Laurel: ELLIE DAT’S MY SPOT!!!!!!!!
Me: For the love of God, will you two please knock it off??
Ellie sits up and grabs all of Laurel’s buddies and throws them off of the bed.
Laurel starts jumping up and down, screaming incoherently, then manages to fall, knees first, into Chev’s back.
Chev: AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Oh my God, my back!
I sit up and grab Laurel.
Me: Laurel, that isn’t funny. You hurt Mommy. Say you’re sorry.
Laurel: No! I can’t!
Me: Yes, you can.
Laurel: Stop talking to me.
Ellie crawls over to Chev and gives her big hugs.
Laurel: NO SISSY, DAT’S MY MOMMY!
Laurel lunges out of my arms, and onto Chev, where she tries to pry Ellie off of her.
Laurel: MY MOMMY!!
Chev: Everyone get off of me!
Me: Oh my God, come on, all of you.
I scoop up both girls and carry them down stairs, where they get cold cereal and gluten free freezer waffles. Chev nurses her wounds before joining us. I start counting them minutes until I can leave for work.
Happy Sunday, folks!