I Don’t Want Your Advice

I am the mother of a child with special needs, and I don’t want your advice.

There.  I said it.

I don’t want your advice.

I don’t want to hear your opinion about how I parent my child.

I don’t care about some study you read online that says that everything I’m doing is wrong.

I don’t want you to send me articles on Facebook that you skimmed over and think might be “helpful” when “dealing with” my child.

I don’t care about your snide remarks or rolled eyes when I mention that I am getting my child evaluated for another possible diagnosis.

I really, REALLY don’t want to hear about how you think that Sensory Processing Disorder or Autism or ADHD aren’t real.

I. Don’t. Want. Your. Advice.

Why, you ask?  Why wouldn’t the mother of a child with special needs want more advice, more information, more opinions?  Why wouldn’t she do everything in her power to help her child?  Why would she turn away anyone’s well-intentioned suggestions?

I’ll tell you why.

Because I’ve read it all already.  There is nothing out there that I haven’t seen, read, researched, and discussed with our doctors and therapists.  Nothing.  I’m not exaggerating.

No one does research like a parent of a child with special needs.

I have stayed up well past midnight more times than I can count, digging through every article out there, looking for new ways to connect with my child.  From health issues, to education, to social behavior, I’ve read it all.  It’s what I do.

But there is more.

I have knowledge that no one else in the world has.

I know my child.

After reading all of the information that the internet can provide (both valid and complete bullshit), I am as well-versed as a person can be in my child’s diagnoses, but more importantly, after almost 6 years of motherhood, I can safely say that I am an expert when it comes to my child.

I know what will and will not work when it comes to feeding, discipline, safety, and education.

I know that bribery will not work, because there is nothing that my child wants more than doing the thing she doesn’t want to do.

I know that time outs don’t work, but that quiet time in my lap does.

I know that I will probably have to hide veggies in sauces and dips for years to come.

I know that having an escape plan from any public situation is required because my child can only handle so much sensory input before she loses her mind.

I know that my child can not have freedom to walk next to the cart at Target because she will run the second I take my eye off of her.

I know that SPD, ASD, and ADHD are quite real, and anyone who says that they aren’t needs to do some research right after they get their head out of their ass.

I have a team of experts that help me implement the plan we have created to help my child be the very best she can be.  It’s not like I’m just making this stuff up as I go along. Between our pediatrician, specialists, occupational, speech, physical, and behavioral therapists we know that we’re on the right track.  And if something new pops up, I do my research again, and we alter our plan to take care of it.

I love my kids more than anything in the world.

Trust me to know what I’m doing.


5 thoughts on “I Don’t Want Your Advice

  1. I’m sorry someone said those things to you. I’ve heard them myself, albeit on slightly different topics, and there’s nothing more painful.

    “Why wouldn’t the mother of a child with special needs want more advice, more information, more opinions? Why wouldn’t she do everything in her power to help her child?”

    This is the one that always hurt me the most. The implications are so nasty. Not only does it say, “I know more than you,” but it also says, “you’re a bad parent for not realizing I know more than you and obeying my every recommendation.”

    I wish the type of people who say those things to parents could hear themselves. If they could hear the venmonous sound their narcassistic speeches carry I can only hope they’d have the sense to shut their mouth.

  2. Wow, completely relate! Most of the time people don’t say this stuff to me, they just decide my kid is “bad” and treat him accordingly. Which of course sends me into momma bear mode.

  3. THANK YOU!!!! and AMEN!!!! Gyrl, you said it, someone had to say it! I particularly love when family members who have children without special needs chime in, or even better, sit in silent judgement with their thoughts all over their face. People need to understand that this is a very different world than it was 20 years ago and maybe focus on educating themselves instead of judging. xoxoxo
    ps~ I have been toying with a draft on this very topic for a few months now. I’m trashing it. I could not say it better than you did. I’m sharing your draft instead.

  4. Pingback: I couldn’t say it better myself… – Find Your Magic

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